


Falling

by Lovegreeneyes



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Bad Wolf Bay, Doomsday AU, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5163905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovegreeneyes/pseuds/Lovegreeneyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it, Rose Tyler, I.." His voice cracked and died down. "Tell me" she begged, willing her voice to be strong, but what came out was more like a whimper. Doomsday AU in which the Doctor actually has the time to tell Rose he loves her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is actually my first story here, and I'm pretty excited about it! So...
> 
> Someone prompted me on Tumblr and I decided to write this story...that took waaaaay longer than it should have, but hey.. At least I tried!  
> So, this is my first shot at angst and I have to say: there will be A LOT of angst in here.  
> Bear with me, I'm more of a fluffity-fluff kind XD  
> Reviews make my day!
> 
> Prompt: "Doomsday AU where the doctor actually had time to say "Rose Tyler, I love you too" and they talk about their things like: when they started falling for each other and why etc"
> 
> P.S.: This is completely unbetaed, so any mistake is mine (just let me know if there are a lot of them)
> 
> Disclaimer: the characters are not mine, nor is the show, and it will never be *sigh*
> 
> Here ya go!

"And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it, Rose Tyler, I.." His voice cracked and died down.

"Tell me" she begged, willing her voice to be strong, but what came out was more like a whimper.

Even through the hologram she could see him swallowing the lump in his throat and the tears that started to stream down his face broke her heart in another billion of tiny, minuscule pieces.   
She doubted she'll ever be able to piece it back together, but she couldn't focus on that. Not now.

After a deep, shaky breath he tried again. "Rose Tyler, I... I love you" he rushed out.

Neither of them could say if the sob that broke the silence right after this had come from Rose or from the Doctor. Maybe from both.

The Doctor felt his hearts constrict in his chest and his breath become ragged, even with the respiratory bypass kicking in: why did he always have to lose everything that mattered to him, everything that gave him life?   
He had never felt a pain like this, never in his lives: the deep ache from destroying his planet was more out of guilt, because yes, he had loved his home planet and his people, but not like this.   
This was even more than love, it was more than words could describe: now she wasn't there with him, he felt like a part of him was empty, like he couldn't breath properly anymore. Every time he took a breath, a thousand of needles pierced his lungs and he felt like screaming, and in the meantime all he wanted to do was give up: what could be the sense of living a life without her? But for now he had to be strong for her: he would have all the time to break down later. Literally.

"When?" He heard her ask, and tried to focus on seeing her through his blurry tears.

When she received no answer she clarified. "When did you..did you fell for me?"

The Doctor was startled from the question, but decided she deserved this, he had to tell her.   
His mind started wandering and he started talking without even realizing.   
"I can't tell you an exact moment, a day or even a month. It was like falling, slowly but surely, towards something you know you want, but shouldn't. I don't know when I started falling, I just remember myself thinking about how much you mattered to me and being puzzled about when it happened. And suddenly you were my everything, my light in the darkness, my only hope, the only thing I believed in. And I tried to stop thinking about what would happen when we eventually would be separated, and I succeeded. Because just thinking about that hurt too much. And now-..." He chocked on his words, feeling his throat constrict, not being able to breath anymore.

Rose felt her heart swell with love and happiness, almost feeling happy again, but the sensation was tamed down by reality: it felt like her heart was imprisoned in a cage, that was too small to contain it, since her heart was swollen by her emotions, and the bars were painfully pressing against it and making something that would normally make her happy a painful torture. 

When she saw the Doctor choking, though, she instantly forgot about her pain and rushed to him, reaching him with a hand, only to come up with nothing.   
«No touch», he'd said. Dammit.

"Doctor, calm down. Please. Listen to my voice, and breath in. Okay? Breath in and out, slowly." She said in her most calm voice, although she was panicking inside.

When he finally took a shallow, shuddering breath, she allowed herself to relax again.

"S-sorry..." He managed to splutter out.   
"Wh-when did you?" He asked, trying to take the focus away from him and his ragged breathing.

Rose took a shuddering breath of her own and all the Doctor wanted to do was put his hands on her cheeks and wipe away her tears, hug her, touch her...   
«Get a grip» he reminded himself.

"Well..I loved you back when you were all leather and big ears, and I didn't stop when you became rude-and-not-ginger, even if it was a bit traumatic at first. But oh god...they always say that you can't love someone unless you love yourself first. I've never loved myself... But you-...you... I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like. I learned to love myself, thanks to you. You-...you made me a..a different person... A better person." She finished, her face scrunched up in an attempt to slow down the tears, to be strong.   
But she couldn't..she just..

The Doctor watched as tears chased each other down her cheeks, flowing so fast that he couldn't see where one began and the other ended.   
His body was painfully constricting everywhere, while his mind was astounded: he made her a better person? He? This old, battered, hateful man made her, a young, full of life, amazing girl, better?

"Yes" he heard her choke out with a sob, realizing he'd said it aloud.   
"I thought I was nothing special, but you taught me every single person in this universe is important, that everyone matters." She managed to get out before breaking down again, crying and sobbing.

"Oh Rose..." The Doctor said softly, his hearts painfully reaching for her all across universes.   
Without thinking, he lifted a hand to her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb even if he couldn't really touch her.   
He was surprised to feel a little spark of electricity and the faintest solid contact with her cheek.   
«What the imagination can do..» he thought bitterly.

"You are important, the most important being to me in the universes, probably." He finished.

Rose couldn't believe it: this was all she had ever wanted, and in the meantime, what she'd hoped would never happen. He loved her, dammit!   
But she was too far away and it was impossible for him to reach her.   
In her naivety she had promised him forever, she had been sure nothing would have split them, that they were stronger than whatever could come in their way. He had warned her. «Never say never ever» he'd said. He had known.

"I-...I wanted to do so many things with you... So many planets, adventures, pranks, friends, chips.. Now it's all.. It's all gone. Forever." She sobbed at the end, that word becoming too much all of a sudden.   
"I wanted to stay with you forever" she rushed out, choking, voice cracking with every single word.

At this words, the Doctor's tears matched Rose's ones in speed, and his voice came out high-pitched with his next words.   
"I wanted you to stay with me forever" he said softly, feeling his hearts shatter: now he'd said it, their separation seemed even more final.

«This is too much» Rose thought, finally giving into her desire, and launched herself to him, even if she knew there wouldn't be any hug.   
She was surprised when she felt her fall slow down when she met his body, or the image of it, but then she was on the ground and she cursed her imagination for giving her hope: there was no hope now.   
She clumsily got to her feet again: she couldn't waste any second of the precious time they had left.

He was standing there, looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the Universes, but also with a deep, ancient pain almost sucking in all the light in his eyes.   
She felt her insides break more and more watching him, but doing nothing to reach him, because she couldn't.  
While his breathing had calmed down and it was only quiet sobs, hers was broken by hiccups and was coming more and more ragged.

She felt her head spin and closed we eyes for a second but when she opened them she saw every piece of her reality falling down, literally falling down: piece by piece, she saw the sea disappear first only to be replaced by black, dark emptiness, and then everything else followed, falling faster and faster until she was surrounded by darkness and then the last piece of gold sand fell from under her feet and she let out a scream when she started falling.

"Doctor!" She screamed, and she felt her heart jump when she heard a "I'm here!" From in front of her.   
Looking up she saw the Doctor, her Doctor, falling in front of her, extending his hand to her.

Rose was scared of taking his hand: what if she couldn't? But she used all her courage and took it, letting out a sob when she came in contact with it and held onto something solid.   
The darkness around them was consuming, the fall was fast, but they were holding onto each other.

The Doctor tugged on their hands and brought her to himself, enveloping her in his arms and feeling at peace with himself, despite the situation: she was in his arms and everything was as it should be. Well, apart from the universe, but oh well..

Rose sobbed in his chest, feeling every piece of herself fall back where it belonged once his arms were safely wrapped around her: she was falling, but she wasn't scared anymore, because she was back in her safe place.

So they just stayed there, wrapped in each other's arms, falling and falling, surrounded by a quiet darkness that didn't scare them anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> So? Should I just give up on those kind of stories? Cookies to everyone that reviews!


End file.
